When I tell people I no longer drink, I can almost see the assumptions forming. Their judgment often overshadows compassionate understanding, and such is life. The idea that someone might put down the glass for reasons other than addiction feels foreign to many.
My name is Debra Gudema. I am a wellness writer, doctoral student, an advocate and supporter of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) and other nonprofits close to my heart. Here is my side of the story: I chose to stop drinking not because of addiction, but because I wanted to live a life more closely aligned with my values and well-being. I received a wake-up call that prompted this change, and for that, I am forever grateful.
It is important to acknowledge that for some, addiction is a very real struggle, and choosing sobriety is a courageous act of recovery. But sobriety does not belong exclusively to one narrative. Choosing not to drink can be about clarity, health, spirituality, or, in my case, a desire to show up fully for myself and my family.
A few years ago, I made a decision I deeply regret: driving home after a friend’s dinner party when, in hindsight, I was not in a safe state to do so. I believed I was fine at the time, but I was not. That lapse in judgment has weighed heavily on me ever since. This situation was not a reflection my character or stem from addiction, it was a single moment of poor judgment. I have done the inner work to grow from it, yet I also faced the reality of being judged. Hard moments have a way of showing you who will truly stand beside you, and in that same space, hard moments can quietly open the door to healing and growth.
Thankfully, and I say this with every ounce of gratitude, no one was harmed in the accident. The damage was limited to a few hedges just a few houses away from my friend’s home. I never even reached a main road. I have taken full responsibility for my actions and worked in complete cooperation with the state, whom I hold in sincere gratitude, particularly the caring teachers, mentors and law enforcement officers I met along the way. While the charge was dropped to a lesser citation, I made sure to turn this experience into a turning point for growth, accountability, and reflection.
I have also learned that carrying shame for too long serves no one, not others, and certainly not myself. We all make mistakes. What matters is what we do with them. Real work lies in learning, forgiving ourselves, and moving forward with greater care and intention, even when others choose judgment over understanding.
One powerful outcome of this experience has been my deepened commitment to MADD’s mission to prevent impaired driving. Through that work, I have seen how often society mistakenly equates a DWI with addiction. While addiction does cause some impaired driving cases, many involve a single reckless choice, not a long-standing pattern. Treating all cases the same oversimplifies a complex issue and creates stigma instead of space for understanding and change.
Another positive change has been my decision to eliminate all forms of social drinking. My body and skin have truly benefited. Even occasional drinking can cause skin dehydration, premature aging, and fatigue, among other effects. My choice to stop drinking did not come from hitting rock bottom; it came from listening to my heart and choosing differently.
If you have stopped drinking, whether for addiction recovery or personal reasons, your story is valid and deserves respect. If you have been involved in any type of drinking or drug-related car accident, you can learn and grow without letting that mistake define your identity. We need a society that talks about choices without judgment and reminds us that we are all allowed to change and move forward. If others still judge you, that is on them and their own flaws.
Never stop growing. Never stop learning. Never stop evolving into the best version of yourself.
Mindfully curated by Debra Gudema for Well&Co.
📸: NY Times