There was a time when I thought mindfulness meant 30-minute meditations, elaborate journaling rituals, and always having the right crystals or incense nearby. But reality set in when those rituals started to backfire. Instead of supporting my well-being, they added pressure. I began to feel like I was failing at mindfulness. So, I stepped away for a while, because whatever I was doing felt more stressful than helpful.
My understanding of mindfulness evolved slowly. The practice does not require silence, stillness, or a perfectly serene space. Moments of mindfulness can be messy, brief, quiet, or loud. The focus is not on how the practice appears, but rather on the intention that guides the process.
Mindfulness is personal to each individual based on one’s world and goals. As a mom with a full plate, I do not have time for hour-long yoga classes or expensive meditation studios. And the truth is, I do not need them to feel grounded. Yes, they are a treat from time-to-time, but not the daily go-to. There are low-cost and free ways to bring mindfulness into each day, without the hassle, stress, cost, or expectation of “perfection.”
One of my favorite rituals is simply having a cup of tea while playing spa music on Alexa or YouTube. This easy practice is accessible and calming. Or I might take a morning walk around the block and recognize the breeze on my face or the smell of the crisp fresh air. When at the dining room table, which doubles as my office, I sometimes pause, stretch my neck and shoulders, or take a few deep breaths. A drop of lavender oil behind my ears and on my wrists, followed by a slow inhale and exhale, can reset my nervous system in moments. Sometimes, it takes a few rounds of breathwork, but it works!
There are days when mindfulness is just a five-second pause, and then there are days when mindfulness may require more time or extra moments of pause and reflection. The point is being aware, present, and recognizing how we feel. This helps guide our reactions, our words, and how we respond to what may be triggering us.
I call this realistic mindfulness, a practice that meets me where I am, not where I think I should be or where society and the peanut gallery think I should be. We evolve and grow and at our own personal pace. Mindfulness, in whatever form it may be, is a practice of returning to yourself, but realistically.
This approach to realistic mindfulness is softer, kinder, and more human, because it is sustainable and obtainable no matter your fiscal or time budget. When my practice aligns with what I need, my values and goals remain in-check of what it is important to me. I become more able to recognize emotional triggers, and more able to model calm for my children, even when I do not have it all together.
So, if you are a parent, or just someone navigating a lot, here is your permission slip: mindfulness does not need to be rigid or idealized, it just needs to be real. One breath at a time.
When we let go of the idea of “perfection”, we become more in-tune with our true selves. Intention is everything. Whether your practice is elaborate or incredibly simple, mindfulness can guide you toward self-awareness and acceptance. Mindfulness is not an overnight fix as much as I wish it was. Rather, the small daily steps in your practice will lead to lasting change and healthier habits over time.
Since we are only human, we will still stumble and we will still make mistakes not matter how much mindfulness one practices. Mindfulness is not a barrier of protection as much as it is a way to help you self-reflect. But if you stay accountable, as accountability is important, you can start your process again. Never give up on yourself as that is the real juice of mindfulness.
Remember, if people judge you for your past or your current path, that judgment reflects more about them than it does about you. True friends do not stand in judgment. Let the practice of mindfulness, no matter how grand or how small, help guide you. Always be proud of your progress and never give up.
Mindfully curated by Debra Gudema for Well&Co.
📸: Kaboompics.com