No matter your age, we are all chasing a bit more calm in our world. As I have learned, calm is a skill, something we learn over time. Yes, in some respects, the emotion of calm may come naturally, such as resting at the spa or taking a walk in nature. But overall, cultivating emotional calm, particularly in delicate moments, requires skill. Let’s be honest, there are days when I respond thoughtfully to a challenge and breathe the tension away. And then there are days when I react too quickly, speak too sharply, or let stressed emotion take over. Human growth lives in the space between those two reactions, and there is no judgment.
A tiny fact: no one master’s calm. Even the fancy yoga gurus practice calm daily. Every human being is a work in progress. Maturity does not mean never feeling anger or frustration; it means the opposite. Maturity is learning how to pause before allowing emotions to take control, particularly in challenging moments. Pausing is a practice. Deep breathing is a practice. Choosing to lower one’s voice instead of raising it is a practice. None of these skills arrive fully formed. They are built moment by moment during difficult conversations or topics that press against our pride and ego. Yet, such moments reveal where our growth is still needed, despite our age.
My children have been some of my greatest teachers in this area. They remind me to pause. When I lose patience or am grumpy in the morning pre-coffee, I make sure to apologize to them. In that small moment, something powerful happens; my children learn I am human, still growing, and still learning. Apologizing to a child requires grace and removes our ego. The act requires the recognition that parenthood is not dominance but a caring and loving responsibility. A calm adult does not pretend to be perfect. A calm adult models repair and humility.
There is something deeply human about saying, “I should have handled that better. I am sorry.” That simple sentence builds trust far more effectively than authority ever could. Learning calm does not require suppressing emotions, for that will cause you to burst later down the road. Rather, learning calm is part of emotional care. This learning lies in choosing how we respond when emotion rises. As taught by my teachers, breath creates space, space creates choice, and choice encourages our growth.
There are still moments when I forget to take a few deep breaths, and stress wins. And moments when fatigue shortens my patience. On those days, the practice begins again. That is the gift of being imperfect creatures. Failure is not final. Reflection brings another chance. We must remember that calm is not the absence of feeling. Calm is the discipline of returning to the center, repeatedly. And sometimes the smallest teachers (or kids) remind us how to do exactly that; we just need to push aside our ego and practice the skill of calm.
Mindfully curated by Deb Gudema for Well&Co.
📸: Deagreez