As such is the pathway to life. We have all felt judgment and possibly judged others. We know that sting when someone talks behind our back or makes a snap judgment without really knowing us. It is downright painful, confusing, and honestly, it can leave a mark. But the truth is, when people judge or backstab, it usually says more about them than it does about you. Words Gabby Bernstein repeatedly states in her books and texts.
Most of the time, judgment comes from a place of insecurity. People who do not feel good about themselves often try to tear others down to feel better. It is similar to a messed-up defense mechanism; they point the finger so no one looks too closely at their own flaws. Something I learned firsthand, and I am sure you have, too.
Backstabbing often stems from jealousy or competition. Someone might feel threatened by your confidence, your growth, or are happy to gossip in your times of challenge. Yes, people can be that mean. Instead of dealing with their own feelings and challenges, they act out behind your back looking to build a misinformed sense of “support” by others.
This behaviour is hurtful, but it is also a sign that you are doing something right, even if it does not feel like it in the moment. As you grow, thrive, and prosper, your gossiper will become less inclined to talk behind your back. Shall they continue, it only shows their false sense of self-confidence.
Sometimes, one who gossips and backstabs, their actions are from a place of fear. Some people build walls and use judgment and gossip to protect themselves from being exposed or rejected from their own faults, mistakes or imperfections. It is easier for them to point a finger than to look in the mirror. Read that twice!
While we cannot control others’ behavior, we can choose how we respond. Boundaries, self-awareness, and compassion (even when it is hard) can go a long way in protecting your peace.
If you have been judged or betrayed, know you are not alone. Remember, what people say behind your back is their story, not your truth or even the truth. If you are in the presence of someone sharing gossip, be the bigger person and standup for the person being spoke of versus carrying the chain of sh*tty behavior. Let compassion and organic kindness guide your actions when gossip is present.
Mindfully curated by Debra Gudema for Well&Co.
📸: Getty Images