As a parent, it is easy to fall into the habit of correcting our kids all the time. We want to teach them, guide them, and help them make the “right” choices. But over the years, I have learned something that has completely changed the way I approach parenting: listening to our kids is far more important than constantly correcting them, and yes, the grandparents need to read up on this, too!
This realization did not come from a parenting book or a seminar. It came from life and taking greater stock in my children’s words and emotions.
After going through my own life challenges and mistakes, particularly the ones that reshaped me as a person, I realized how important it is to be heard, not judged. Reflecting on that made me rethink how I respond to my children. Do they feel heard when they talk to me, or do they feel like I am just waiting to tell them what to correct?
One evening, my daughter came to me upset about something that happened at school. My first instinct was to jump in with advice and save her day, but instead, I stopped and just listened while taking a few mindful breaths.
She talked, and I did not interrupt. I did not correct her version of events or offer my opinion. I simply nodded, asked a few questions, and let her lead the conversation. By the end, she said, “That is it Mama, I just needed to talk you.”
In that moment, I realized she did not need me to fix her situation, she needed me to just listen.
When we listen to our kids, like, truly listen, we are telling them that their thoughts and feelings matter. We are showing them that they are worthy of being heard and understood. This builds trust, self-confidence, and a sense of safety in our relationship with them.
Constantly correcting, on the other hand, either it be their words or behaviors, can leave children feeling judged or inadequate. It sends the unintentional message that they are “not good enough” or that they always need to be “perfect” to please us.
By pausing on constantly correcting our children is not a reflection of our lack of care, rather, it shows how much we do care about them. Our job is helping our children thrive rather than dim their inner light. More times than not, they simply need our presence and understanding.
It is not always easy to put listening before correcting, especially when life gets hectic, but I have found a few tips to help make it a habit:
1. Pause Before Responding
When my kids come to me with a problem or a story, I remind myself to pause. Instead of jumping in with advice, solutions or the dreaded suggestions, I focus on hearing them first. Grandparents, this is key for you, too!
2. Ask Open-Ended Questions
I try to ask questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think you’ll do next?” These questions encourage them to think and share, rather than shutting them down with quick fixes.
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Even if their reaction seems small or over-the-top, acknowledge it. “That must have been frustrating,” or “I can see why you felt that way.” This helps them feel validated.
4. Hold Back on Immediate Solutions
As parents (and grandparents) we want to fix everything for our kids. But sometimes, they just need space to process. Instead of saying, “Here is what you should do,” I try to ask, “What do you think might help?”
5. Apologize When You’re Wrong
I am not perfect. No one is! There are times I have corrected or dismissed my kids when I should have listened with more intention. When that happens, I apologize. “I should have listened to you first. I am sorry.” This a thoughtful way to show them that you value their voice and their opinions.
Parenting is as much about learning as it is about teaching. You will be surprised how much your kiddos can teach you about life. When we take the time to truly listen to our kids, we are not just helping them, we are growing alongside them. In my experience, listening has been one of the most powerful tools in building a strong, loving relationship with my children.
So, the next time your child comes to you, try just listen and embrace the time because these precious moments will be gone all too soon.
Mindfully curated by Debra Gudema for Well&Co.
📸: intersted/getty